Something more personal.

I have been feeling driven to share something a bit more personal. The last couple weeks have had me really thinking about the changes taking place in me and those around me. More so, I have been feeling led to share a bit more about myself and my relationship with God. I have never really done this before, and I think God might be prompting me to look deeper into who I am as I look deeper into who He is. So, this is the first of a few blogs I have written up over the last two weeks.

What do people think of you?
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself this question? If you are like me, than you probably have not asked it directly, yet you are probably evaluating the answer every day without realizing it. An example might be worrying about being late. Why do we worry about that? For me it is because I don't want others to see me as rude or disrespectful. We bite our tongues instead of confronting someone about a problem right away. Why? Because many of us don't want conflict. We don't want to be viewed as "oversensitive, jerks, nags," or whatever you want to associate with conflict. Maybe more so for me, but I think you set yourself up to be vulnerable at these times. People get to see into the deeper workings of who you are as you explain why something is bothering you. It is a little scary to be transparent with people. You don't want them to see your faults, dreams, beliefs, or anything that might make you different than who YOU think that THEY think you are. Yet conflict is good. There is so much freedom in getting things off your chest. Mark 11:25 says, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins." So, we are supposed to go out and resolve our conflicts with others. It is so important that we are supposed to stop worshiping and go be reconciled, and than come back to God. (Matthew 5:23-24) Yet so often we don't.

A question I have been hearing around here lately, and a question I have now been asking myself is "What do I tell people back home about the changes going on with me?" How do you share the things you are learning about yourself without feeling vulnerable? It is a tough struggle to be truly transparent with people who have known you most of your life. Yet, they have only seen a portion of who you are. For example, anyone that has been in a car with me over the last few years knows that I have been anything but loving towards other drivers that I view as doing something wrong. So, it is hard to admit, now, that God has been breaking my heart for people and that daily He is reminding me to lay down judgement and just love people (especially other drivers). Mark 12:30-31 the greatest commandment says, " Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself." I have read this before, but not too long ago I looked at this and thought "oh crap." I judged (Matthew 7:1-2) and got mad at others every time that I left the house, and that is just the start of my failings to love others. Yet there is Jesus himself saying love God and love your neighbor. 'Uffda! I got some work ahead of me,' I thought. As I said earlier, I still have to lay my frustrations, angers, and judgements at his feet daily. However, I am realizing that it is not so much me that is working, but God working on me.

Again, though, how do I tell people back home about these things? Especially the much deeper things, and the things others may not understand without experiencing it first hand. So, I have decided to start with my story (testimony) that has led me here, and let God guide me through sharing. My story is not something I have shared a lot with people, but I think I am being prompted to start. So, I will be writing a bit more as I have time over the next few days. Thanks for your prayers and support. Matt.
p.s. There are some new pictures.